Getting sick of the online dating scene? Yeah, we hear that. Forget all of this dating around, messaging back and forth… by the time I introduce you to my parents it’s hard to even notice how much they really hate you. Hmm, that gives me an idea…

“TO ALL AVAILABLE MEN
SO… I’m single, tired of mingling, and looking to get hitched. Thing is, I’m pretty frustrated with the legwork and my solution is to pass the buck on to my parents and let them go ahead and choose for me, the way it was (is) done in the good old days (South Asia). So if you’re a single guy, hoping for marriage and kids (not more than two) in the future, and willing to roll with the punches, let’s get your folks in on this too.

Here’s what I’m thinking… You respond to this with your parental contact info, which I will pass along to mine… Then, I figure we can just butt out until the wedding. Let’s let them hammer out the details, investigate compatibility, and argue about a dowry.

Me: 26 year old female with a generally positive outlook on life, one salary, three piercings, zero tattoos, one car, one hamster, and one (slightly used) vagina. I’d be willing to consider getting re-virginized if this is a deal-breaker for your family.

I’d prefer not to convert to your religion, but I would consider relocation if my travel expenses were covered.

Looking forward to the big day. Maybe we’ll meet once or twice before then… I’m leaving that up to my mom.”

You know, this sounds pretty crazy, but honestly no stranger than anything else we’ve seen.

Seeking Arranged Marriage

If a guy says this it’s pretty obvious what it means:

please dont waste presious time, my clock is tickling.
i am extremely needy right now if you catch my drift. we’ve gotta chat before you get my number

If a woman says it, it means she wants a baby NOW! So no matter how good the deal sounds, it comes with a price. Don’t say we didn’t warn ya.

please dont waste presious time, my clock is tickling.

From the personals ad:

I need a Sugar Daddy who loves BiG GuRlS! Bottom line. If you can take care of me, then I can take care of you. What do you need?

Don’t we all?

Are there any Sugar Daddys left out there???

This woman asks “Wanna Make a Baby?”

From the personals ad:

So here I am, being open and honest to the point of I am sick of messing around with relationships that go nowhere and the dating scene. I am here looking for a real hot, sexy, caring, devoted, and loving man to have a real relationship with and have a family and be happy. If it sounds like you please let me know. If its not dont. Please send a pic.

Nothing says family and baby like the sexy finger in the mouth and lots of eye liner. Besides, I hardly know anything about you other than you want to make a baby… is this really the place for this? It’s one thing to say you want a relationship but slow down honey. I’m having a hard time finding you sexy when all I can think is that you’ll pounce on the next man who promises you belly fruit.

Wanna Make a Baby?!

It’s kind of strange when people say mundane things like “When I like a movie I’ll see it again.” Umm, yeah… me too. I also like to eat food at my favorite restaurant and talk to friends. We have so much in common!

From the personals ad:

I like things orderly for example, it irritates me when roadmaps aren’t folded c - 32 (District Of Columbia)

I’m free as a bird ready to fly with the right eagle. I am 5′3″ with shoulder-length lt. brown hair and a pretty face. When I like a movie I’ll see it again with friends and family. I dig all kinds of movies. Examples would be Amores perros, Snatch, and The Apartment. I’m considerate. I like things orderly for example, it irritates me when roadmaps aren’t folded correctly. What do you want to learn about me?

But above all else, it seems that the most important thing to this woman is that you know how she feels about folded roadmaps. It’s the reason she killed her ex husband.

I like things orderly for example, it irritates me when roadmaps aren’t folded c - 32

So apparently there are 2 bored girls on a couch who want your company. Sounds good…

From the personals ad:

two nips on a couch - 19
Hi.

The title basically says it all, we’re just two girls sitting on a couch being bored on a Wednesday night.
How would you like to join us, how would that make you feel? Because we would really enjoy the company of a man or two.

If you are interesting in sitting on a couch with two very attractive ladies, email us!

Make the subject line Lampshade or we wont respond.

Larry.

Dammit Larry! I’m not falling for that again… there are no girls… you’re just going to hit me on the head with a lampshade and rob me blind again.

two nips on a couch - 19